Thursday, November 02, 2006
Bizzarro
Those of you who studied my Halloween pictures with a detectives eye worthy of Ralph Dibny may have noticed that I was sporting a goatee. I may even have mentioned it. I don't know, I don't read my own posts. I grew this because, in the DCU, Oliver Queen has a goatee too, or at least he does post-Crisis. Thats the point of a costume, making yourself look like somebody else. I did not grow it because, as some of you conjectured, I was too lazy to shave.
But a strange thing has happened to me since Halloween, people have been telling me they like the look. Now I would hardly consider myself a person who is easily swayed by the oppinions of others, especially when it comes to fashion. Take my hair as proof. Yet, since people seemed to like the goatee on Halloween, I did not take it off with the rest of the costume.
You've heard me tell you that other people like it. I am sure you all will make up your own minds on the subject. Now please let me tell you how I feel about it in one word: 'Bizzarro'.
Whenever I pass a mirror, my stomache lurches and my heart skips a beat. My brain does not, at first glance recognize my own reflection. Instead, and this will tell you how much TV has rotted my brain, my first reaction is that I have discovered my doppleganger. A twin that is my exact double except, in classic cliche TV fashion, for the sporty dark goatee and a black heart to match. Submitted for the approval of the court I present exhibit A: Spock from that episode of Star Trek where they all meet their World Three counterparts (I know I just mixed my metaphors, but I doubt anyone even understands what I'm talking about anymore). Exhibit B: for all of you non-Trekies that have evolved proto-lungs that allow you to survive in habitats beyond your parents' basements, would be that episode of South Park with the "good" Cartman. I'm sure there are countless other evil twins I could reference here. I'm only surprised that my reflection doesn't have a scar down his face or an eye patch, or both.
Please, if I start doing malevolent things for no reason, start looking in every dark bunker type place you can find. Maybe that's where HE is keeping the clean shaven good version of me. No matter what the case may be, I think we all know how it's going to end. On the roof of a sky scraper, with some girl pointing a gun at both of us, unsure who the real one is. I'll be the one who says: "shoot us both, it's the only way to be sure". That's her cue to shoot the other guy, because only the good one could be that selfless. I don't actually know what movie that's from. I assume Lawn Mower Man, but that's only because I have no idea what that movie is about. It could also be from Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, because once you take their masks off, who can tell them apart?
Oh man. Now I'm going to get letters calling me a racist because I said that all green mutants look alike. That's not why I'm a racist guys. It's because white people can't dance. And thats not a stereotype, I've been to clubs, I've seen honkies try it. It is a scientific fact that white people can't dance. So in conclusion, Captain America wins in a fight between him and Batman, but Thor loses to Superman
-Jim Lunardoni
But a strange thing has happened to me since Halloween, people have been telling me they like the look. Now I would hardly consider myself a person who is easily swayed by the oppinions of others, especially when it comes to fashion. Take my hair as proof. Yet, since people seemed to like the goatee on Halloween, I did not take it off with the rest of the costume.
You've heard me tell you that other people like it. I am sure you all will make up your own minds on the subject. Now please let me tell you how I feel about it in one word: 'Bizzarro'.
Whenever I pass a mirror, my stomache lurches and my heart skips a beat. My brain does not, at first glance recognize my own reflection. Instead, and this will tell you how much TV has rotted my brain, my first reaction is that I have discovered my doppleganger. A twin that is my exact double except, in classic cliche TV fashion, for the sporty dark goatee and a black heart to match. Submitted for the approval of the court I present exhibit A: Spock from that episode of Star Trek where they all meet their World Three counterparts (I know I just mixed my metaphors, but I doubt anyone even understands what I'm talking about anymore). Exhibit B: for all of you non-Trekies that have evolved proto-lungs that allow you to survive in habitats beyond your parents' basements, would be that episode of South Park with the "good" Cartman. I'm sure there are countless other evil twins I could reference here. I'm only surprised that my reflection doesn't have a scar down his face or an eye patch, or both.
Please, if I start doing malevolent things for no reason, start looking in every dark bunker type place you can find. Maybe that's where HE is keeping the clean shaven good version of me. No matter what the case may be, I think we all know how it's going to end. On the roof of a sky scraper, with some girl pointing a gun at both of us, unsure who the real one is. I'll be the one who says: "shoot us both, it's the only way to be sure". That's her cue to shoot the other guy, because only the good one could be that selfless. I don't actually know what movie that's from. I assume Lawn Mower Man, but that's only because I have no idea what that movie is about. It could also be from Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, because once you take their masks off, who can tell them apart?
Oh man. Now I'm going to get letters calling me a racist because I said that all green mutants look alike. That's not why I'm a racist guys. It's because white people can't dance. And thats not a stereotype, I've been to clubs, I've seen honkies try it. It is a scientific fact that white people can't dance. So in conclusion, Captain America wins in a fight between him and Batman, but Thor loses to Superman
-Jim Lunardoni
# posted by Mr Tim @ 11:13 AM 
